


Magic To Make the Sanest Men Go Mad

by saturninesunshine



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Ark AU, F/M, and then drama happens, bellamy and clarke meet through earth skills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-19 20:46:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5980516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturninesunshine/pseuds/saturninesunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When she got home that night and put her book bag on the bed, she realized it was heavier than when she left it. She opened the flap to see a copy of The Odyssey wedged between her Earth Skills notes. The picked up the unfamiliar volume and opened the cover. </p><p>Inside was a cramped autograph. Property of Bellamy Blake.</p><p>Clarke smiled."</p><p>Clarke and Bellamy meet on the Ark, bonding over a secret that they share. In the world of the Ark, sometimes it is even more treacherous than the ground.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Odysseus

Bellamy Blake had a reputation. But that wasn’t why Clarke avoided the library on Thursdays. It wasn’t the fact that he was argumentative, a borderline anarchist, and spent all of Earth Skills class lamenting about the loss of the Roman Empire.

There were many reasons that the Romans had a faulty system and re-reading _The Iliad_ a million times didn’t change that. There was a different reason why Clarke knew enough that Bellamy would be in the corner of the library and she had enough sense to avoid him. 

Bellamy and Clarke had avoided each other for the past two years and she would like to keep that tradition going. But Pike was more demanding than a teacher had any right to be and she needed the library that afternoon. She had always liked Earth Skills but at that moment, it was her least favorite class. 

Clarke entered the library nonetheless, almost hoping that this time would be different. But there he was, still in his guard’s uniform, completely oblivious to their tradition that was about to be violated.

“Earth Sciences is the next aisle over.” Bellamy hadn’t even bothered to look up from his book.

Clarke wished he could feel her glower through the pages. 

“Pike’s Earth Skills class, right?”

“I know where it is,” Clarke said, a little too sharply. 

“Just trying to help.”

Bellamy never tried to help. Now he could see her glower for himself.

“You ever try _The Odyssey_?” Clarke asked. “Pretty good for a sequel. Might want to change it up once and awhile.”

Bellamy looked at her measuredly. “I like this one.”

“Just trying to help,” Clarke parroted. “I’ll leave you to yourself, Hector.”

Clarke wound around the shelf, glad to be out of the interaction.

“Why Hector?” Bellamy had followed her.

Of course. Clarke hesitated at the shelf, wondering if she should follow the urge to swat him away.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Clarke said.

“Why?” He was daring her now. Daring her to say it. 

“Hector was his brother’s keeper,” Clarke said.

This time he let her go. She was glad. No matter what had happened, it wasn’t fair to throw that in his face. 

But after that, it was almost impossible to avoid him.

“Need help, Athena?”

He found her two weeks later in her designated place. Maybe she would follow through and swat him this time. Clarke looked up from her piles of books on the desk in the library. Bellamy’s hair was slicked in the guard-on-duty fashion. 

“Athena?"

“You know everything,” Bellamy said. “Right, princess?”

“Is this an interrogation?” Clarke asked. He was mixing his nicknames. “Or are you not on duty?”

“Taking a break,” Bellamy said. “Thought you might want some advice as an alumnus from Pike’s class.”

“An alumnus who spent most of his time arguing about the merits of the Roman Empire,” Clarke said.

“It was on Earth, wasn’t it?”

She didn’t like how he was smiling at her. He should be angry.

“About what I said before,” Clarke said. “I didn’t mean to—“

“To what?” Bellamy asked. Another dare. 

“Make you uncomfortable,” Clarke said.

“Don’t flatter yourself, princess.” Bellamy took a seat at her table. “You can’t make me flustered. Besides, I figured you’re the one that wanted to forget about it.” 

“How could I forget,” Clarke said quietly.

Bellamy’s jovial demean diminished. 

“I thanked you once for what you did,” Bellamy said. “That’s all you get.”

“I didn’t do it for praise,” Clarke said. 

“Then I suppose you didn’t tell your best friend the Chancellor for a reason too,” Bellamy said. “It would have been the honest thing to do, right?”

“But it wouldn’t have been right,” Clarke said.

“You don’t even know me,” Bellamy said. “Why would you help me?”

“Because you didn’t do anything wrong,” Clarke said.

“Charitable,” Bellamy said. “My mother did.” 

“No,” Clarke said. “She didn’t. She shouldn’t be punished for being a mother. And you shouldn’t be punished for being a brother.” 

Bellamy’s eyes scanned the room quickly for onlookers. It looked like a reflex. 

“The consequences for people finding out far outweighs the crime,” Clarke said. “All three of you would suffer. That’s not something I’d want.” 

Honesty didn’t seem to be something that Bellamy was very comfortable with. His break ended sooner than she would have thought. Not that she thought about it at all. Maybe she would have gotten some actual work done if people weren’t so determined to socialize with her.

Wells slid into the seat Bellamy had vacated minutes ago.

“Bellamy Blake?” 

It had been what she was afraid of. That tone if incredulity coming from Wells threatened to bring waves of shame. Best friend he may be, but she wasn’t about to take that tone from him. Wells had never really warmed up to him, but then again, most of their upper echelon never would. He had always had a way about him that inspired either love or hate. Wells hated his smirking arrogance.

But that wasn’t what Clarke had seen the night of the masquerade. She had been inspired by his look of fear to help and ever since then, interacting with him had been a risk. Then she would have to face the truth that their system was flawed and a lot of people suffered from it. People who didn’t necessarily deserve it.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I can’t have other friends?” Clarke asked delicately.

“Is that what he is?” Wells asked. “What could you two possibly have in common?”

Next to nothing. They both knew the answer to that. But there was one thing. And divulging that one thing would mean going back on a promise. 

Clarke and Bellamy had one thing in common. A secret. And she wasn’t about to give that up because of a little disdain. She could be better than that. She knew that she was, no matter what Bellamy saw in her. 

Maybe all he saw was a spoiled princess. Maybe she had been selfish in the past and not seeing what it was like for other stations. But she could prove him wrong.

“Taste in literature,” Clarke said. 

“He can read?” Wells meant it as a joke and maybe in the past Clarke would have laughed. There had been no love lost between her and Bellamy.

Now it didn’t seem so funny.

“He was offering help for Pike’s class.”

“He would know,” Wells said. “He flunked it twice.”

“He must be really good at it now.”

Wells studied her. “Why are you defending him suddenly?” 

It wasn’t so sudden. This had been a slow evolution after the past two years. But she was going to keep that to herself.

“I’m not defending,” Clarke said. “But then again I’m not the one who needs the help.”

She looked at Wells pointedly. He rolled his eyes but laughed with her. 

 

When she got home that night and put her book bag on the bed, she realized it was heavier than when she left it. She opened the flap to see a copy of _The Odyssey_ wedged between her Earth Skills notes. The picked up the unfamiliar volume and opened the cover.

Inside was a cramped autograph. _Property of Bellamy Blake._

Clarke smiled.


	2. Hector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You want forgiveness?” Clarke asked. “Fine. I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven. Okay?”
> 
> She pressed the book into his hands. He didn’t want to ask for it back. He couldn’t understand why she was affecting him so much. He couldn’t understand anything.
> 
> “I need you,” she said. And that was that.
> 
> He couldn’t be strong. But at least he was forgiven.

“You read the whole thing yet?”

When Clarke had found herself out of bounds after curfew, she had a suspicion it might mean trouble for her. She had been studying in the library and lost track of time. 

It would be her luck that the guard that happened upon her during patrol would be Bellamy.

“I have read it before,” Clarke said.

“Then I can take it back any time,” Bellamy said.

“I don’t carry it with me everywhere I go,” Clarke said. She quickly changed the subject. “Are you going to turn me in for violating curfew?”

“I could be convinced not to,” Bellamy said. “What do you want for it?”

“One year in the guard and you’re already corrupt,” Clarke said. 

“I’m not the one that stole private property.”

“Stole?” Clarke asked. “I’m not the one that slipped it in my bag when I wasn’t looking.”

“Convincing,” Bellamy said. “Do you need an escort?”

Clarke looked around. The hall was deserted. It was the first time that occurred to her. 

“Do you really want to get caught by someone who’s not as nice as me?”

Clarke snorted. Instead of being insulted, Bellamy smiled. Clarke started walking and Bellamy joined her, hands behind his back in the typical guard position. They passed the great window showing earth. The moon had risen. Sometimes Clarke took its beauty for granted. 

“I only wanted Octavia to see it.”  
  
Clarke looked back to see Bellamy had stopped and was looking out the window.

“She never even stepped outside our apartment before,” he said. “And the one time she did… It was my fault.”

“I’m sure Octavia doesn’t see it that way,” Clarke said. She didn’t know why she was trying to comfort him, what dynamic they had stumbled into. But it seemed like the right thing to do.

“My mother does,” Bellamy said. 

“Why?” Clarke couldn’t help but ask. “You were trying to do a good thing.” 

“My sister,” Bellamy said. “My responsibility.” 

“Maybe your mother should have accepted some.”

Clarke knew she shouldn’t have said it. She hadn’t meant it like it sounded but she also couldn’t help but think there must be some truth to that. Children of the Ark were never meant to be siblings. It seemed like Bellamy was doing his best with the hand he was dealt.

Bellamy’s eyes grew dark. “She sacrificed everything for us. Everything she did was to protect us.”

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said. “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for Octavia. But it doesn’t have to all fall on your shoulders.” 

“You didn’t know us,” Bellamy said carefully. “There was no reason for you to do anything to help us.” 

Clarke remembered. She saw a girl she couldn’t place and a cadet taking her hand, trying to maneuver their way through the crowd. Bellamy was right. There was no real reason for her to help. But she did. She could see it in the girl’s eyes. The way her mother had to see pain every day in patients. Clarke just knew something was wrong.

And Bellamy had taken out his nightstick. Without thinking Clarke gave the strange girl her ID chip. Some of the guards knew her by her face and never asked to see her ID. She and Bellamy had never discussed it again. 

“No one ever wanted to help before,” Bellamy said.

“Your whole family would have been destroyed,” Clarke said.

Bellamy almost looked handsome when he smiled. “Clarke Griffin breaking the rules.” 

“It was bound to happen eventually.”

“And tonight,” he said. “After curfew. You’re turning into quite the rebel.”

“My parents will be so pleased,” Clarke said. “Especially when a guard brings me to the front door.” 

“I can wait for my thank you,” Bellamy said and they started walking again. “Better me than someone else. Trust me.”

And Clarke did. Something in his voice told her that she couldn’t do anything else. He would tell her the truth. She knew for a fact that some guards were worse than others. Everyone tried to cheat the system somehow up here. They kept in pace with each other. Clarke didn’t mind the company.

They closed in on the door and Bellamy hung back. “See you around.”

Clarke wasn’t used to this. This secrecy. He didn’t want to seem to make his presence known to whoever was on the other side of the door. She almost liked having a secret. But another part of her felt dismay that he didn’t walk her all the way there. 

“I won’t ruin your reputation,” Bellamy promised. Clarke was afraid her face betrayed her when he added, “I’ll be back for my book.” 

Before Clarke could defend her face, the door opened. Abby didn’t look surprised that Clarke was standing outside with an older boy who also happened to be a guard.

“You missed the game,” Abby said.

The truth was that Clarke still felt apprehensive about spending time with the Jahas socially. It wasn’t their fault that they were the royalty of the ship. But it wasn’t Bellamy’s fault that his life was more difficult either.

“Sorry,” Clarke said. “I got held up.” 

“I see that,” Abby said, surveying Bellamy. “Should I be concerned?”

“No, Ma’am,” Bellamy said. “Just didn’t want her walking home alone.” 

“Oh, good,” Abby said. “For a second I thought you just might be Bellamy.”

As nights went, this would not be one of the best. She could feel Bellamy’s smirk and she wanted to smack it right off him. 

“Are you going to introduce us, Clarke?” Abby asked.

“Mom,” Clarke said. “This is Bellamy Blake. He’s a friend of mine.”

Abby and Bellamy shook hands. “Thank you for bringing my daughter home safely. Friend or not.”

“Didn’t want her getting into any trouble.” Bellamy’s tone made her even more mortified. He was never going to let this go. She knew that for sure.

“Would you want to come in for something to eat?” Abby asked. 

Bellamy faltered which gave Clarke a perverse thrill. 

“I’m on the clock, Ma’am.”

“And you’re just doing your job by protecting my daughter from her curfew,” Abby said. “Which she is late for.”

“I could stay for a few minutes,” Bellamy said.

Clarke knew it was dangerous to refuse her mother. Bellamy must have gotten that feeling.

“Your father went to work for awhile,” Abby said. “He’ll be back soon.” 

Abby sat Bellamy at the table and Clarke followed her into the kitchen.

“It’s really not a big deal,” Clarke started.

“I think it’s great,” Abby said.

“What?”

“A guard is a very honorable profession.”

“It’s not like that,” Clarke said, trying to stop the direction of the conversation. She did not want to get into this. And that statement coming from her mother probably meant Abby had lost all hope for her daughter in the men department.

“The boy lent you his copy of _The Odyssey_ ,” Abby said. “That’s a gesture.”

“He did it as a joke,” Clarke said.

“You shouldn’t feel ashamed,” Abby said, grabbing plates.

“Ashamed?” 

“Wells is a good friend,” Abby said. “But you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t feel the same way he does about you.”

“Mom, please.” Bellamy looked so out of place at her kitchen table. His guard uniform was probably the only thing about him that adhered to the status quo.

“You never had a boy over before,” Abby said gently. “Usually Wells is just here with his father.”

“Only because you twisted his arm,” Clarke said. “Bellamy isn’t a boy. He’s just…"  
  
“A friend,” Abby said.

“Yes.”

Abby’s smile told a different story. Clarke had to resist the urge to groan in frustration. This was going to be excruciating. When she followed her mother back into the living room, Bellamy smiled. She had never seen him smile so much in one night.

* * *

 

“You’re late.” 

The smile Bellamy wore the entire walk back to the apartment fell the moment he walked through the door. It was feeling more like that every day. Octavia was getting older and the crawl space was cramped. She was becoming more dejected and their mother was becoming more distant. Sometimes Bellamy got the feeling Aurora had pushed him into being a guard just so he was in a position to take care of Octavia. Bellamy would never shirk his responsibilities as an older brother, but Aurora seemed less like a mother to him lately and more like someone else he had to take care of.

“Your sister is already asleep,” Aurora said. She was at the sewing table, ripping apart seams.

“I got held up.”

“Your shift ended two hours ago,” Aurora said. 

“I’m sorry.” There was nothing else to say when his mother got like this.

“You can’t forget your responsibilities, Bellamy,” Aurora said. “Where would Octavia be without you?”

Where would she be with him? Probably in lock up. If it hadn’t been for Clarke, his mother would be dead and he never would see Octavia again. He and Octavia had made a pact that Aurora never needed to know what happened at the Unity Day Masquerade. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t tell when something was going on.

“Have you seen _The Odyssey_?” Aurora asked. It was better to stay quiet when she got like this. “Your sister wanted to read it before she went to sleep.”

“I had it.” 

“Where is it?”

“I loaned it to someone.” 

“Who?”

This conversation was unavoidable. He couldn’t help compare it to the one at Clarke’s place. How loving and close Abby seemed to be with her daughter. It didn’t surprise Bellamy. Clarke was blessed with many things. At times, it didn’t seem fair. But his mother was loving too. She taught him how to survive. But living like this for the past seventeen years had been weighing on her. It was difficult not to feel how difficult it was becoming. It was unsustainable. Clarke had been right.

“Clarke Griffin.” Bellamy braced himself for his mother’s displeasure. 

“Griffin,” Aurora said. “Her mother’s on the council.”

“I know.” 

“Then how could you be so stupid?”

“It’s just a book, Mom.”  
  
“And where were you tonight? Really.”

She knew. He didn’t have to tell her. 

“I know how hard this is, Bellamy.” Aurora got up from the table and took Bellamy’s hand in hers. “But this is the hand your were dealt. It makes you strong. Octavia depends on you. And this girl isn’t like you. She can never be with you. Not really. And you know that.”

“Her family seemed like good people,” Bellamy said.

It was the wrong thing.

“You were with her family.” Disappointment and pain clouded Aurora’s face. “I almost wish you had told me you were just in bed with her.”

“She’s a good person,” Bellamy said. 

“Sex is always easier, Bellamy,” Aurora said. “The only person you should care about is your sister. Do you understand? That’s the only person you can depend on. You need each other. I only ever want you to be safe and happy. Feelings complicate things. You can’t depend on anyone but family. That’s all you need. And that’s why I know you’ll always keep Octavia safe. And she’ll do the same for you.”

“I’ll get the book back from her.”

Aurora smiled in relief. But even now her smile looked pained and difficult. Bellamy hadn’t seen a true smile from his mother in a long time.

“Good,” Aurora said. “I know you’ll do what’s right.”

* * *

“I hope you’re not writing in that.” He wished she didn’t smile at him.

Clarke looked up from her hidden table in the back of the library. She closed _The Odyssey_ quietly. Her face dissolved into expressionlessness when she saw his own face. His unhappiness.

He shouldn’t have opened with that. Now it just made it harder. He sat across from her at the table. Sitting was a bad idea too. 

“Are you okay?” Clarke saw too much. He had always known that.

“No,” Bellamy answered. “I’m not.” 

There was no reason for him to tell the truth. No reason other than blues eyes looking at him and paying attention. He had been selfish. He knew that now. Just because a pretty girl had looked at him. But now he had to be strong.

“My mother,” he said. “She raised me to be better. To be good.” 

He and Clarke had a lot of talks like this. A lot of hypothesizing about morals and ethics. About the future. This wasn’t strange. But still Clarke could tell he wasn’t right.

“I disappointed her. And my sister. Took them for granted. Octavia could have been put in the Sky Box.”

“But she wasn’t.”  
  
“Only because of you,” he said. “If you weren’t there, I don’t know what would have happened.” 

He did know. He just didn’t want to say it. 

“What does that make me?” he asked. “My mother should be ashamed of me. All I do is hurt people. I’m a monster.”

He couldn’t look at her the entire time. But her silence finally pressured him. He raised his head to see her. She didn’t look upset. She looked curious. Like a scientist trying to understand her experiment.

If this were an experiment, Bellamy wouldn’t have been surprised. There could be no other explanation for Clarke Griffin kissing him.

But she did.

She was soft and fleeting and he almost missed it. But it was a kiss. His eyes were still closed when she pulled away. He only opened them when she finally spoke.

“You want forgiveness?” Clarke asked. “Fine. I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven. Okay?”

She pressed the book into his hands. He didn’t want to ask for it back. He couldn’t understand why she was affecting him so much. He couldn’t understand anything.

“I need you,” she said. And that was that.

He couldn’t be strong. But at least he was forgiven.


	3. Elizabeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke reminded him of a book he read in the literature section when he was younger. 
> 
> 'I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.'
> 
> Now it was too late for thought. Now they just were.

_“They’ll float you, Jake. If you do this, I won’t be able to stop them.”_

“Is your strategy to lose?” Bellamy was smiling in a way that seemed fewer and far between. Not that she could talk. He knocked down her pawn. “What is it?”

When she looked at him and his arrogant smile had faded. He had that crease between his eyebrows every time he came back from a shift. He could always tell when she wasn’t saying something. 

Their friendship had become tentative at best, only ever seeing each other in the library or the hub. What had happened in the library had never been discussed again. Now she wasn’t sure if it ever should be. Everything was ending. He was a worse chess player than Wells but that didn’t stop Wells from getting irritated.

Clarke couldn’t tell Wells this. Not with Bellamy looking at her, knowing that she couldn’t lie to him. And if anyone could keep a secret, she knew it would be him. He was really the only one on the Ark who she could trust. It pained her to think that about Wells. But his father was the Chancellor. The more she looked at Bellamy in front of her, the more the truth dawned on her. She had to tell him. 

“Don’t people deserve to know the truth?”

Bellamy was silent for a moment. She wasn’t afraid of what he would say. She knew that he would never tell anyone else. What she was afraid of was him not saying anything at all. Blaming her and her bourgeoisie family for endangering his life and the life of his sister.

“Yes,” Bellamy finally said. “But I don’t have to tell you that.”

“You asked.”

“The only thing you have to think about is what it will mean for you,” Bellamy said. “What we do to survive doesn’t define us.”

“What are you saying?”

“You do what you have to do,” Bellamy said. “Would you weigh your father’s life against the lives of everyone on the Ark? They’ll float him. That’s a fact.” 

It hadn’t been the decision that was weighing on her at all. It was something else. Endangering people who were in no condition to defend themselves. When it was just her, her parents, and Wells, the decision would have been easy. They were in a position to survive. 

Bellamy wasn’t. His mother wasn’t. Little malnourished Octavia living beneath his floor only because Clarke had the courage to stand up and save her.

But Bellamy would never say it. And she wasn’t about to broach the topic. She pushed her pawn forward again. She gave Bellamy an opening to take it down but he didn’t. She watched his eyes flick from strategy to strategy. He saw it. He didn’t kill her.

“Why did you tell me?” Bellamy asked.

A million reasons flowed through her head. Only one mattered. 

“I trust you,” Clarke said.

“Clarke,” Bellamy said quietly.

She had to lean in to hear him better. She could count almost every freckle on his face.

“I’ve heard some things,” he said. “Claims of treason have been escalating. If they thought in any way that you were a part of this, they would arrest you too.” 

Clarke leaned back. She could see him better now in his guard’s jacket, the council symbol emblazoned on it. He had insider information. But from his face, she could tell that he didn’t want it.

“They can’t float me.” 

“Not yet,” Bellamy said. “But there is no record of an appeal at eighteen ever been successful. You’d be as good as dead.” 

He didn’t meet her eyes when he said it. He stared at the checkered board, concentrating. She had a feeling it had less to do with the game and more to do with not continuing the conversation.

She weighed her mother’s words against Bellamy’s. But when she reached home, there was nothing she could do. It was over. 

It happened so fast. Her father’s arms were around her when the apartment door burst open. Her mouth had just opened to offer her father her help when Bellamy’s words swirled in her brain. When she was trying to figure out if he was trying to protect her or not. 

Guards separated them, grappling with her father. The larger ones surrounded him, but the hands on her were surprisingly gentle. When she looked up she saw familiar hazel eyes. It was like a kick to the gut. Bellamy shook his head and Clarke felt her body go slack.

* * *

 

She was in the corner of the Earth Sciences aisle. Alone. He made sure to change out of his guard uniform to go see her. He knew that she wanted to be alone but he felt another more selfish impulse. She had to know that he wanted no part in this. She had to know.

“You here to arrest me too?” Her voice was cold and he knew it was only to make a point.

He felt her eyes rake over his shaggy unkempt hair and ragged sweater.

“I didn’t know,” he said. “They didn’t tell us anything until it was happening.” 

“And you didn’t even hear a whisper about the traitor who wanted to tell everyone the Ark was failing.”

“They never tell me anything,” Bellamy said. “If I could have stopped it you have to believe that I would.”

“Why?” 

“Why what?”

“Why would you have stopped it?” Clarke asked. “You probably only met my father once.”

“He’s still your father,” Bellamy said. 

He took a step towards her, gauging her response. When she didn’t move away, he sat down next to her. 

“I wanted to help him,” Clarke said. “I thought the Ark should know.” 

“It was good that you didn’t say anything,” Bellamy said. “You’d be in the Sky Box right now.”

“I did.”

Maybe sitting down hadn’t been a good choice. 

“I told my father I would help him,” Clarke said. “So why didn’t they arrest me for treason?”

“Can’t you just count yourself lucky and be done with it?” he asked gruffly.

“No.”

No. Of course she couldn’t. She was Clarke. 

“I guess someone was looking out for you,” Bellamy said. “Lucky you.”

“What did you do?” Clarke asked quietly.

“I didn’t do anything.” 

“Bellamy."

This was not something he wanted to get into. Clarke had just watched her father get floated. Another victory for the council, not that it mattered to them that it hurt their own people. 

“I did what I had to,” Bellamy said. “I couldn’t let them box you. They’d float you when you turned eighteen. I couldn’t do anything for your father. As long as they think you didn’t know about what he wanted to broadcast to the Ark you’ll stay breathing.” 

“That’s how I know it wasn’t you,” Clarke said. “It was my mother.” 

Bellamy leaned against the back wall. That wasn’t something he wished for Clarke to know. He had heard rumors that Jake Griffin had been turned in by someone on the council. A part of him had hoped it was opportunist Marcus Kane or maybe even Jaha did it in a fit of jealousy. 

Clarke’s jaw was clenched and he knew it was true. And now she did too, judging from his reaction.

 “She killed him,” Clarke said. “Her own husband.”

Bellamy didn’t know what to do. Words failed him and he had a feeling they wouldn’t do any good anyway. He put a hand on her shoulder, hoping it was the right thing. She leaned into his touch. He hadn’t thought about the last time they were here and suddenly the memory hit him with full force. He had gone there to make her stay away. For Octavia. But now wasn’t the time either. No matter how confusing it was. 

Bellamy kissed her cheek, hoping it would suffice. Either he pulled away too slowly or Clarke was remembering the last time they were here too. Their lips met awkwardly and clumsily. Bellamy only wanted to comfort her but she was pulling him close and now it felt like she was the one comforting him. 

Clarke reminded him of a book he read in the literature section when he was younger. 

_I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun._

Now it was too late for thought. Now they just were.


	4. Penelope

Clarke hated being in the apartment with her mother. It was easier to just be away. A thousand words couldn’t fix the damage that had been done. And Abby knew that. Sometimes Clarke wished she had been arrested. At least she could be on her own.

Bellamy let her visit him in his apartment but she caught on to the pattern that his mother never seemed to be there when she was. Bellamy never said it but Clarke was positive Aurora didn’t like her. She met his secret sister who lived under the floor before she ever was in the same room with their mother.

The last time Octavia had been outside of the apartment was during the masquerade. And she seemed to be the only person on the entire ship that was not surprised about Clarke and Bellamy. And like Bellamy, Octavia didn’t seem afraid about what Clarke knew. Octavia didn’t know Clarke’s drama at home, but there was some sort of apparent bond between Clarke and Bellamy. Octavia was perceptive.

Clarke ached at the thought that Octavia couldn’t leave. Maybe not ever again. She knew that Bellamy worried about it too but he never spoke about it in the apartment, if he spoke about it ever.

Helping Octavia sew her mother’s garments helped. Octavia didn’t really have a handle on it and Clarke longed for the days when she sketched the ground from her imagination. Now her life consisted of late nights where she told her mother she was late at the library. Most of the time that was true. There were some nights where it wasn’t. 

“So are you and my brother having sex yet?”

Clarke almost pricked her finger on the needle.

Octavia didn’t need any more invitation. “Mom’s really worried about it. She and Bellamy argue about it all the time.”

“She doesn’t like me.”

“She wouldn’t like anyone she thinks is dangerous,” Octavia said. “You are very dangerous.”

“Do you think I’m dangerous?”

“You’re the only one not in my family I’ve ever met,” Octavia said. “Mom just doesn’t trust anyone. Ever since our dad.”

“Bellamy doesn’t talk about him.”

“He likes it that way,” Octavia said. “If he doesn’t know him then he can’t hurt us. Take it from me, unregistered children aren’t all fun and games.”

“I think you’re fun.”

Octavia laughed. It was the first time Clarke had heard that. Bellamy let her stay when he was on guard duty but most of the time Aurora was home. Clarke thought that Octavia was probably lonely. She would come visit more if she could.

“So?” Octavia asked.

“What?” 

“You and Bell,” Octavia said. Her glance was pointed. Clarke knew she must be happy for female companionship. Clarke wished she could give her what she wanted but that was a complicated question that she wasn’t even sure how she felt about. “Mom says that you’re too young for him, too.” 

Aurora had a lot of opinions. And Octavia liked to talk a lot. 

Clarke was relieved when the door swung open. Even though it was Bellamy, which was the best-case scenario, Clarke still stood up suddenly. Bellamy’s eyes were bright and his work face melted into a smile when he saw the two of them.

“I have to go,” Clarke said.

Octavia smirked and Clarke had a feeling she wasn’t as innocent as she pretended. She was Bellamy’s sister after all. Bellamy’s eyebrows knit.

“I’ll walk you,” he said.

“No, I’m fine,” Clarke said, edging by him towards the door.

“It’s after curfew,” Bellamy said, his tone getting more concerned.

“It isn’t far.” They both knew it was a lie but he let her go.

“What was that about?” Bellamy asked as the door closed.

“Your sex life,” Octavia said matter-of-factly.

* * *

Up until now, Abby had been lettering her daughter’s behavior slide. There came a learning curve to the sacrificial nature of your father’s death. Clarke had a feeling arriving this late again had been the last straw.

“Do I need to get you a contraceptive implant?”

That didn’t mean she was going to take it. “ _Mom_.”

If one more person bothered her about her sex life. 

“I’m not talking about this.” It was one thing to be questioned by someone she questioned as a friend. Clarke just wanted to get to her room before this went any further.

“Well you won’t talk to me about anything else,” Abby said. 

“Do you blame me?” Clarke asked. “You can’t just go back to pretending everything’s alright when you’re the one that turned him in.”

“I thought Thelonious would talk to him,” Abby said. “I never thought they would float him.”

“I guess that makes it alright then,” Clarke said.

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this yet,” Abby said, resigned.

“Maybe not.” 

Abby still didn’t let Clarke escape to her room.

“You know I like Bellamy.” So they were back to this. “But he’s older than you.” 

And this again. 

“Maybe I should meet his mother,” Abby said. “If you’re getting serious.”

“We’re not serious.” Clarke responded instinctively. She knew it was the right thing to say. It was the right thing to say because in no universe could Abby, a councilperson, go to Aurora Blake’s apartment. That was too dangerous for everyone. Octavia had been right on that point.

Clarke would rather not think about her response. Thinking led to feeling and she had always been better at thinking than feeling.

“I know it doesn’t seem like a lot of years now,” Abby said. “But he might be used to going faster than you want to.”

“Have I ever seemed like I would do something I didn’t want to do?” Clarke asked.

“No,” Abby said. “You’re too much like your father.” 

“We agreed we weren’t talking about him,” Clarke said.

Right before he died her father told her it was the first time she was having a teen rebellious moment. With him gone it didn’t seem so funny anymore.

* * *

 

Clarke still had Bellamy’s book. In turn she had taken to sketching scenes from _The Odyssey_ and giving it to him. She had told him that it was so he could look at the pictures without the added stress of having to read. He laughed but when she saw his room she couldn’t help but notice that he had kept all of them. Charcoal was her favorite but only because it was what she was used to. She liked how it made the images raw. Like one of those old movies. At least she used to. Now it just seemed shallow.

“Hey.”

It sounded so casual. Like he belonged there in her bedroom. Clarke looked up from her drawing. It seemed lately she had only seen him in his uniform. Now he just had a bookbag slung over his shoulder. 

“Sorry. The door was open.” 

Clarke shrugged. “My mom must have left it open when she left.”

“I wanted to check to see if you were okay.”

“I’m fantastic.” 

Bellamy sighed. “Yeah. I figured.” 

“I watched my dad fall out of an airlock,” Clarke said. “What did you expect?”

“Nothing,” Bellamy said. “You don’t owe anyone anything. I just wanted to give something to you.”

Clarke pushed the chair away from her desk. Bellamy was fumbling through his bag. She noticed books crammed into it like a compact library. She smiled.

He finally retrieved what he was looking for in the back pocket. It made her smile fall away. She knew that watch. She had seen that watch every day of her life. Bellamy held it out to her. 

“He took it off before,” Bellamy said. “He wanted you to have it.” 

“No.” 

Bellamy closed his hand around the watch.

“That should be for my mother.” 

“He told me he wanted you to have it.”

“He did?” Clarke asked. 

Bellamy placed it on her bedside table. “I’ll leave you alone.” 

She knew if he walked out that door there was little chance she would see him again. She stood up, her arms surrounding him easily. She had felt cold since her father was floated. This didn’t make it better, but it was a step in the right direction. 

“Thank you,” she said. His arms held her tight and she exhaled.

With him here, she could pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. Maybe somewhere else her father was alive and she didn’t hate her mother. At least he was here. That was a comfort. She pulled out of his embrace and kissed him with assurance. 

He pulled away sooner than she would have liked.

“Maybe I could have told you,” Bellamy said softly into he hair. “Maybe if I was faster.” 

“It wouldn’t have helped,” Clarke said. “No one could have stopped it.” 

“Maybe that’s something you can remember about your mother.” 

Clarke pulled out of his arms. This wasn’t something she wanted to talk about and he knew it. 

“I’m trying to help,” Bellamy said. 

“I’d like to not think about it right now,” Clarke said. “Is that okay?”

It was clear to both of them it wasn’t really a question but more of a warning. Clarke went to sit at the head of her bed. She watched Bellamy shift uncomfortably in her doorway. His fingers twitched towards his bag but she was glad he never really reached it.

“Will you stay for a little while?” she asked.

Finally the boy smiled. She liked that. Without needing more of an invitation he picked up his bag and sat next to her on the bed. She felt the books rattle in the sack. 

“Homework?” she asked.

Bellamy snorted. “Light reading.” 

Clarke reached for her bedside table where _The Odyssey_ lay. She tossed it in his lap. She leaned against her pillows. 

“Oh now you want to read _The Odyssey_ ,” Bellamy said. “Before you were reading Octavia that propaganda.”

“Jane Austen is not propaganda,” Clarke said.

Bellamy grinned. She liked that so she kissed him.

“Why not?” He gave in. 

Bellamy sank into a more comfortable position next to her and opened to where she had left off. He started reading aloud to her. After a few minutes she felt her eyes sink closed, lulled to sleep from the sound of his voice.

* * *

Bellamy heard rattling and sat up. The economy lights had gone out and the book that had been in his lap fell to the floor. Clarke looked over her shoulder. She was fitting her father’s watch over her wrist.

“You fell asleep.”

He got that much.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Do you have to get back?” He would like to think that her voice sounded disappointed. “Will your mom be worried?” 

“No,” Bellamy answered honestly.

He felt her hand link with his. The cold metal of her father’s watch pressed into his skin. He squeezed her hand. 

“You can stay if you want,” she said. “My mom’s in surgery for a few more hours.”

Bellamy watched Clarke sit down at her desk. She didn’t sound any different than she usually did. But Bellamy felt different. He wasn’t sure how long he had been feeling that way. He just knew that he didn’t want to leave her. And that was dangerous. 

Clarke bent down and picked the book off the floor. He looked down at the desk where Clarke had been sitting. A complex charcoal drawing lay on the desk. It was a soldier in old-fashioned armor, his helmet high on his head. Hector saying goodbye to Andromeda before he went off to war.

Bellamy looked back up at Clarke.

“I thought you did landscapes,” he said.

“You don’t like it?” She was smiling.

“I guess I’ll have to take back my Austen comment.”

“That would be wise.” 

“You’re the expert.”

“You’re the impulsive one.” 

He knew it was a bad idea. Everyone had been telling him. Even Octavia whose only real fear was something happening to him. If he was gone, could their mother really do it? Without Bellamy’s position, Octavia would be defenseless.

Clarke loved Octavia. She would never do anything to hurt her. That was the main reason Bellamy had pushed people away for so long. Clarke was different. Special. He would throw himself into oblivion for her.

It was long after the kissing in the removal of clothing that he realized it. The act itself was hurried, sweaty, and clumsy. Somehow that made it better. Out of all the reasons that it was wrong, there were so many that made it right. He breathed what he was thinking in her ear. He didn’t hear her say it back. He didn’t think he would. That wasn’t why he said it. He said it because he couldn’t go on any longer without saying it. 

He loved her. He had loved her this whole time and never even knew it. Not until her head was cradled in his arm and he read how Odysseus revealed himself to Penelope and told her of their marriage bed made from an olive tree still rooted to the ground.


	5. Cassandra

Octavia was sick.

“Don’t tell Bell." 

Those were the three words Clarke never wanted to hear. Never wanted to remember. Clarke put down the book she had been reading to Octavia. She could tell Bellamy’s sister had been suffering through severe stages of anxiety for a long time. She was nearing eighteen and even though that wasn’t an explicit cut off, it meant more danger for her. If she were found, she would be floated.

“He worries too much as it is,” Octavia said.

Octavia had always been indignant about being read to but that had become less and less in recent days. Bellamy wouldn’t be able to tell but Clarke could see the signs. Octavia had oxygen deprivation.

Sometimes Clarke wondered even though her father had been floated and she herself would have been sent to the Sky Box, if she had made the right decision. People were fading. They would be dead in the months to come but if Clarke had gotten the word out, maybe that would be different. Maybe people wouldn’t have panicked. Maybe they would have found a solution. 

She agreed with Octavia. She wouldn’t tell Bellamy until she figured out a way to fix his sister. And the only way to do that was to talk to the last person she wanted to.

“A friend of mine is dying,” Clarke said.

It had been the first time they had been in the apartment for months. She had to believe that Abby would listen to reason.

“Bellamy.” It wasn’t a question. Her mother assumed that’s who it was.

“I’m scared, Mom.” Clarke would never be able to tell her mother who it really was. This was better than the truth. Even if it felt wrong.

“Love is the scariest thing there is.” Abby tried to comfort her. Clarke shied away from her touch and held her tongue. Abby sighed and dropped her hand.

“What are the symptoms?”

“Blindness in one eye,” Clarke said. “It’s not going away.”

“He’ll have to come in to see me.”

“No,” Clarke said.

Abby’s instincts as a healer kicked in. Clarke knew they would.

“You have got to get over being mad at me,” Abby said. “Especially if he’s in danger.” 

“He won’t go,” Clarke said. “He’ll be kicked out of the guard. It’s important to him. He’s pretending that he’s fine.” 

Abby sighed. “I don’t know if there’s anything I can do. You need to be prepared for that. Everyone is exhibiting these symptoms.” And then. “I know that’s not what you want to hear.” 

“Thanks, Mom.”

* * *

The last thing Octavia remembered was being in her hole. When she woke up, she knew that something was wrong. She was starting to sweat, her hands shaking. Space had always been cold to her. This was wrong. She didn’t want to open her cage unless her mother told her that it was okay. Sometimes even trusting Bellamy now was a dubious prospect. He wasn’t around half the time and she had an idea why.

It was getting difficult to breathe. Octavia kicked the panel above her head. It flapped open, hitting the table with her mothers sewing materials, knocking everything over. The apartment was dark.

Octavia crawled out of the hole but it wasn’t any easier breathing outside than it was in. No one was there. There was only one thing that she knew. If she stayed here she would die. And she hadn’t lived seventeen years in a cramped cupboard to go out like this. 

Octavia opened the door to the apartment. Slow at first and then she realized no one was there. The hallway was dark and the air circulation system was rattling. It wasn’t just her.

They were all dying. The best thing she could do was find Bellamy before they all suffocated. She knew where he would be. She just didn’t know where she would find Clarke’s apartment. It stung that her brother had left her to die, not to mention her mother. If she saw Bellamy again, she would give him a good kick.

She just had to find him first. Octavia did the only thing she could think of. She put one foot in front of the other and started walking down the hallway.

* * *

Clarke was trapped. Everyone on the Ark was. They had been dying for centuries, but somehow it seemed so sudden. Ever since the Exodus ship tore the Ark apart, the survivors gathered together. Clarke hadn’t seen her mother since they spoke about who Abby thought was Bellamy.

Clarke had had the good look of being with an off duty guard at the time. The only problem was that they had been surrounded by on duty guards and there was no way of sneaking away. There was a gaping hole in the unit and someone had to say it.

“Where’s Octavia?” Aurora never spoke to Clarke but had been eying her with distrust since the moment she saw her.

Clarke looked to make sure the guards hadn’t been paying attention.

“She wasn’t with you?” Clarke asked Bellamy quietly.

“They caught me before I could get back and warn her,” Bellamy said. “I have to go after her.” 

“They’ll never let you,” Clarke said.

“So what?” he asked. “We just leave her there?” 

“Of course not,” Clarke answered. “They’ll believe me if I say I have to find my mother. They’ll know her.” 

Bellamy stared at her for a moment, not processing what she had just said. “Not a chance.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Clarke asked. “My mother is a councilor.” 

“What does that make me, Clarke?” Bellamy asked. There was danger in his voice but Clarke knew better than to get offended. What he needed was his sister and she knew that she could help.

“I’m not giving you a choice here, Bellamy.” 

Clarke turned towards the guards. Bellamy’s hand caught her. 

“I can’t lose you too.”

“You won’t.” She pulled away.

Clarke had a plan. She really did. Leaving Bellamy had not been ideal but there was no way he could come and avoid detection at the same time.

Finding her mother had been a story she told the guards to get away. They let her go only because she hadn’t given them a choice either. But the more she ventured through the ghost ship, the more she felt it. They were all dying. She hadn’t wanted to fall into her mother’s arms but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel glad that Abby had the same idea to go looking for her.

She let her mother hug her in the abandoned hallway before pulling away.

“We’re in the monitoring room,” Abby said. Abby pulled on her daughter’s hands but Clarke didn’t move.

“I’ll find you.”

Abby dropped Clarke’s hand. “Where could you possibly be going?” 

“Just trust me,” Clarke said.

“No,” Abby said. “You may not forgive me for your father, but I’m still not letting you go too.”

“This isn’t about Dad,” Clarke said. It was the end of the world for them. Maybe even the end of their race. And she still couldn’t betray Bellamy. 

“Is Bellamy alright?”

Her mother was a mind reader. Or Clarke was just incredibly transparent.

“Yes,” Clarke said. “But I have to go.” 

“I know this seems important,” Abby said.

“It’s not about him,” Clarke said. Of course it was on some level but Octavia was innocent. And she was all Octavia had in this moment. She couldn’t lose her either. 

“If he’s in trouble, we’ll fix it,” Abby said. “I understand how you feel.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Clarke I loved your father too.” 

“It’s his sister.” There was no other way out of this. It could be foolish trusting in her mother not to betray her trust but Octavia could be anywhere. Trapped. She couldn’t let her down. And in any case, this was the end of the world.

“What?” Abby asked in disbelief.

“Bellamy’s sister,” Clarke said. “Her name’s Octavia. They couldn’t find her before the Exodus ship.”

Abby was quiet for a moment. Clarke wondered how close the guards were. 

“Then let’s go find her.”

Clarke felt her chest expand with relief.

“Where were you going first?” Abby asked. 

“Their apartment,” Clarke said. “Alpha station.”

Abby led the way down the corridor.

* * *

 

Abby’s hypothesis was that Octavia had tried turning a corner and fell. Probably due to the oxygen deprivation. With time and treatment her eyesight would return. But Clarke doubted there would be any time for that. They were going down with the ship.

The monitoring station was mobbed with councilors and guards. But no one paid any mind to an illegal unregistered. Clarke fed her oxygen through the mask. She kept asking about Bellamy. Clarke kept not knowing what to say.

“He’s okay, though?”

“He’s okay,” Clarke reassured her. “He’ll be happy to know you’re safe.” 

“He didn’t leave me?” 

“No,” Clarke said. “He wanted to come. I just thought I’d be a little more efficient.”

Octavia smiled. It was short-lived. “Are they going to float me?" 

Clarke figured they would all be floated soon. “No. They won’t float you.”

“Because we’re all going to die anyway,” Octavia said. “I should be with Bellamy.” 

“I know,” Clarke said. She couldn’t say that she blamed her.

“We’re not going to die,” Abby said. “We’re going to the ground.” 

Octavia’s hand grasped for Clarke’s. Clarke squeezed back. 

“Really?” Clarke asked. 

Abby looked back to see Jaha and Kane speaking quietly. “They’re making the announcement soon.”

“We’re not all going to make it,” Clarke knew. 

“We’re going to try,” Abby answered.

“Who’s this?” Clarke tensed as she heard Kane’s voice. She had hoped it was only relative paranoia that she had become accustomed to for the past six months. It wasn’t. Kane was looking right at Octavia.

The only thing that came to Clarke’s mind was the truth.

“She’s with us,” Abby said. 

Kane set his mouth in a grimace. “You can’t do this, Abby.”

“Do what?” she asked. “Save this girl’s life?”

“In front of everyone,” he said in a low voice. “Not everyone knows we’re going to the ground yet. Prioritizing oxygen could start a riot.”

“He’s right,” Clarke said. 

Abby looked at her daughter in shock.

“I have to take her back,” Clarke said. “To her family.”

“Where is that?” Kane asked.

“Alpha,” Clarke said. “I’ll take her now.”

“No,” Abby and Kane said at the same time. Clarke knew it was for different reasons.

“She’ll have to make it back on her own,” Kane said. “We can’t spare any more people.” 

“I can,” Clarke said. “You don’t need me.”

“But we need Abby,” Kane said with regret. “And we both know your mother isn’t going to let you go. Not alone. The Ark will be heading to the ground soon. If you go out, you’re not making it back.”

“I have to go, Marcus,” Abby said. People were starting to get antsy. More and more were starting to look at Octavia.

“I’m better,” Octavia said. “I can go myself.” 

“No,” Abby said. “Even if I’m only your doctor for the next two minutes, I’m still your doctor.” 

“Who are your parents?” Kane asked.

Clarke tightened her grip on Octavia, trying to communicate not to tell nonverbally. It was the end of the world. Maybe Octavia couldn’t see the point in lying anymore. Or just didn’t want to. 

“Aurora Blake.”

It was only for a second. Warmness softened the skin around Kane’s eyes. And then realization. He knew her. And he knew her brother.

“She can’t stay here,” Kane said, addressing Abby.

“You need a doctor,” Clarke said. “I’m the only one that can go.”

“You’d never make it,” Kane said. “Abby’s a counselor and respected. You know that.”

Clarke looked at her mother with pleading eyes. “Mom.”

Abby embraced her tightly. Clarke wanted to squirm away. Abby only kissed her firmly on the forehead.

“Until we meet again.” 

“No, Mom.” For the first time since she saw her father floated, she felt tears form behind her eyes. It seemed so recent that she had lost her father. She knew that she would never see her mother again.

She hugged her back. Abby smiled and then removed Octavia’s oxygen mask. A few of the guards had stood up. Jaha was watching them now. Abby snapped the case closed and helped Octavia to her feet.

They both left before Jaha could intercept them.

* * *

 

The Ark was starting to rattle. Bellamy felt it in his bones. Everyone’s breathing was shallow. His mother was sitting at his feet, leaning against his knees. But he couldn’t sit. He couldn’t do anything until he saw them again.

_In peace may you find the shore._

Jaha’s voice echoed over the speaker. Aurora was strapping herself in along with all the others in Alpha.

“Bellamy.

_In love, may you find the next._

The door opened and Bellamy’s heart leapt. Octavia’s familiar eyes lit up and she threw herself at her brother. He hugged her tight. He turned to pull Clarke to him but only saw the eyes of her mother.

Octavia slid from his grasp. Aurora hugged her child to her body.

“Are you going to float us?” Aurora asked after a moment and let Octavia go. 

“No,” Abby said. “We’re going to the ground.”

“Where’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked, searching behind Abby. All he saw were doors that were sealed shut. It didn’t stop him from looking.

There was silence and Bellamy looked to Octavia for support. 

“She couldn’t make it,” Abby said.

_Safe passage on your travels until our final journey to the ground._

“No,” Bellamy said. “She said she’d be back. She promised.” 

“She wanted to, Bell,” Octavia said. “There wasn’t time.”

“This doesn’t make sense,” Bellamy said.

“Your daughter is very brave,” Aurora said quietly.

Bellamy looked at her in disbelief. His mother had already given up. After seventeen years of secrets, how could she give up so easily? 

“Yes,” Abby smiled. “She is.”

Bellamy felt short of breath.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“She’s safe,” Abby said. “She’s going to the ground.”

Octavia sat down with their mother, strapping herself in.

_May we meet again._

The Ark began to shake.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a one-shot but it got horrendously long and this is the story of my life. I had to chop it so here is the prelude. More to come imminently. The title is taken from The Iliad.


End file.
